Two things: My roommate graduated yesterday. And I should’ve been graduating as well.
So, there are two main things that brings me to this post.
Quite a few of my friends graduated yesterday actually. Which is awesome. Really. I know how hard each of them worked to get where they are and the proudness I have for them can only be expressed in long hugs and many smiles. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.
I don’t mean that I’m green with envy or anything, but I really wish I could’ve been graduating. It was so bitter sweet to hear the words of the speakers talking about how the (former) student were going to go on and do bigger & better things with their lives and how their their futures were bright and yada yada yada. You know how graduations are.
The thing is, I don’t deserve to be graduating yet. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve failed a lot. Sometimes life just gets the better of us. I haven’t learned all that I need to, to go out in the world and be successful in what I want to do. I still have knowledge to acquire. And that’s okay.
It’s just, sometimes, it feels strange being 23 and only going after an associates degree. I sometimes feel the need to justify where I’m going, what I’m doing, and what not.
I guess it all comes to the fact that life can suck. Real bad. But, I am getting to where I want to be. I’m finally going after something I’m good at. This is something I believe I was made to do. And that’s an awesome feeling.
I just want to be there now. But I know that I need to work to earn it. And that’s okay. I’ll be there with my friends soon. And until then, I just have to keep on trucking and keep on being motivated. I can do it. I know I can and I know others know I can.
To my roommate:
I am so proud of you and you are a wonderful person. You have been such a blessing in my life. You are going to be great. Love you girl.
Oh, umm, it’s Friday? This weeks has gone by in the blink of an eye. Despite the stress and busy life I currently have, I was constantly reminded each day this week that there is a ton of good in my life. Loni and I sat in her kitchen late Wednesday night and even though we both have had a long day, we couldn’t help but smile. And in that moment I felt great and so happy that I get to be stressed over things like making a heading design or doing laundry. And even though some of my health problems have resurfaced this week, I will continue to keep remembering that thing could be, and have been, much worse.
Guess who finally has a computer again? Yes, if you guess me, you would be correct. If you guessed anybody else, well, you actually may have a chance of being right because I’m sure I’m not the only person to get a new computer but I digress. My old MacBook of 5 years died about 2 weeks ago leaving me wondering what in the world i was to do! As a student in graphic design…a computer is kinda important to have. So because good ol’ Bobby Dean (also referred to as my father) is the most wonderful man alive, I am now sitting here with a refurbished MacBook Pro. And so friends, I have my life back. I should probably sort out my priorities, huh? *sigh* oh well.
Life has been nothing short of busy these days. Since Christmas, I’ve made many changes in my life. I’ve let my attitude about things become negative last semester and what a relief it’s been to let go of that negative and really pull the joy out of my everyday life. It’s a struggle most days to not let the little things get to me, but letting go of it is just making me a better person daily. I constantly want to strive to be the best me I can be. This kinda goes with my philosophy that if you want to be happy, you’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other.
In other news, I let go of a relationship that was wonderful but it’s time was just over but on a happier note, I’ve become the new server of a local Thai food restaurant. I quite enjoy it and I think it’s one of the better jobs I’ve had.
One the front of being a graphic/web designer…I have a website up that I’ve built (eiuprays.org). I would like to put up a disclaimer that the logo was not my design, so I don’t want to take credit for it. There are still changes that need to be tweaked to it BUT HOW EXCITING! Srsly…I feel so accomplished and proud. And that is a wonderful feeling.
Today is a dreary, rainy, surprisingly warm January day and (hello new computer that’s not falling apart or dead) once I’m done with classes, I have a list of things to accomplish tonight.
So I may not know what she’s meant by this but my great grandmother was amazingly artistic and clever. So many pictures in this photo album are just these really neat artistic shots and pictures of her friends and to be able to see into her life like this is simply wonderful.
Filed under family, photo
I feel…out of sorts. And I can’t put my finger on it, as to what is going on. But as of right now, I feel so unlike myself and I don’t know what to do about it. Part of me thinks it’s because of the medicine I’m on, but there’s something else too.
Have you ever felt this way?
I mean, I know I have before. And the before was terrible.
I’ve got to find a way to find myself again. I know I will, I have hope.
A while back I went to a cemetery a few blocks from my duplex. I don’t think I could ever describe the calmness and slight loneliness I felt while walking around and taking photos. As strange as the feeling was, I think at the moment it was something I needed and I think I might need that moment again.
Tomorrow I will head to another cemetery. Mourning is hard. As is life and life lately has been beating the crap out of me. But I promise, I’m putting up a fight. A feeble one, but I’m getting there.
*sigh* First things I need to overcome right now, finals. Then, getting a dang job.
Side note: how am I not the right fit for a movie store? This is one of those questions that will continue to haunt my mind for years.
How can you not love Mumford and Sons?
I like the thought that there are things the bind us all. I like thinking that when I look at the moon, someone else is looking at it too and for that one moment in life, we are connected.
And how wonderful is the moon? In the darkness it provides us just a little bit of light.
I miss in the summer when I would be driving on the back country road and no one else was around me, just the moon and me. And maybe some Temper Trap.
We are connected. By the moon, by the stars, by what we love, don’t love, etc. We are all connected and I think that is beautiful.
Andrew Bird makes me feel.
and sometimes, it’s just nice to feel…whatever that feel is.