Two things: My roommate graduated yesterday. And I should’ve been graduating as well.
So, there are two main things that brings me to this post.
Quite a few of my friends graduated yesterday actually. Which is awesome. Really. I know how hard each of them worked to get where they are and the proudness I have for them can only be expressed in long hugs and many smiles. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.
I don’t mean that I’m green with envy or anything, but I really wish I could’ve been graduating. It was so bitter sweet to hear the words of the speakers talking about how the (former) student were going to go on and do bigger & better things with their lives and how their their futures were bright and yada yada yada. You know how graduations are.
The thing is, I don’t deserve to be graduating yet. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve failed a lot. Sometimes life just gets the better of us. I haven’t learned all that I need to, to go out in the world and be successful in what I want to do. I still have knowledge to acquire. And that’s okay.
It’s just, sometimes, it feels strange being 23 and only going after an associates degree. I sometimes feel the need to justify where I’m going, what I’m doing, and what not.
I guess it all comes to the fact that life can suck. Real bad. But, I am getting to where I want to be. I’m finally going after something I’m good at. This is something I believe I was made to do. And that’s an awesome feeling.
I just want to be there now. But I know that I need to work to earn it. And that’s okay. I’ll be there with my friends soon. And until then, I just have to keep on trucking and keep on being motivated. I can do it. I know I can and I know others know I can.
To my roommate:
I am so proud of you and you are a wonderful person. You have been such a blessing in my life. You are going to be great. Love you girl.
I like the thought that there are things the bind us all. I like thinking that when I look at the moon, someone else is looking at it too and for that one moment in life, we are connected.
And how wonderful is the moon? In the darkness it provides us just a little bit of light.
I miss in the summer when I would be driving on the back country road and no one else was around me, just the moon and me. And maybe some Temper Trap.
We are connected. By the moon, by the stars, by what we love, don’t love, etc. We are all connected and I think that is beautiful.
Let me just let this sink in for the 20th time or so…I’m 23 now. I have to keep reminding myself that now. The other night, I couldn’t remember how old I was. I started saying I was 22, second guessed myself, second guessed myself again and went back and forth until I came to the conclusion, that yes, I am 23 now. And every time I’m asked my age, I’m surprised again that my answer is 23.
Why is this so shocking? I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this for weeks now and the only thing I can think of that…I’m getting older. And I think to myself, crap I’m an adult.
Just because I’m getting older, though, that doesn’t mean that everything is changing. I mean, yes, many things are and they are good. Very good. I know my life is headed somewhere amazing and I know that it’s not going to be easy at all times, but I want this future more than anything and I’m excited for it.
My time right now is sweet and stressful.
I am blessed.
So, I’m 23. Wishing I could go back and change things in my life is a time waster. I am where I am and so I just need to leave each day to it’s fullest. I know someday I’m going to do great things, but why not start trying now?
“Don’t wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.”
-St. Francis of Sales
Filed under quote, thoughts
sometimes i’m not very good at waiting. right now i’m waiting for my sheets to dry so i can put them on my bed and go to sleep. i don’t like waiting.
i’m waiting for tomorrow morning to get here so i can go to the post office. i still don’t like waiting.
i’m waiting for january second to get here. i definitely don’t like waiting.
taking film photos on this baby is teaching me patience. i like learning about photography. i like not knowing what the pictures are going to turn out like. i also like knowing i’ve got some skills.
so maybe i’ll be great after all. but i also don’t like waiting for that either.
Oh hello Face. You are looking quite clean. Which is a good thing since I just gave you a good washing. You look different than you did earlier today. Around the eyes were so heavy and dark and your lips were quite colorful. I’m not saying this is a bad thing. But I tend to like you without all that. I actually tend to like you a lot more. Why do you put a mask on every day? Are you afraid of someone seeing your imperfections? I know there are a few blemishes residing upon you but I know they’ll go away soon. Are you afraid of someone knowing the real you? You shouldn’t be. You are quite lovely and I wish you like yourself just as much as others do.
Face, you’ve got some nice eyes. It makes me sad sometimes when you try to make them look better. I think they are wonderful they way they are! I know you can’t really see or read that well but please don’t feel silly wearing glasses. They help you see the beauty in this world and in others.
You should know that your chin, nose and teeth are just as beautiful as your eyes. I like you much more as this, in your natural state. Yes, you may be vulnerable, but you are undoubtedly my Face and that is something special because you are the only face like this in the world.
Please remember that you are beautiful, Face.
Greetings from a hotel room! My weekend is coming to a close and I’m at a lost for words. I feel happy, excited, scared, overwhelmed, tired and a million other things. But mostly, I feel satisfied. There is this realization that just overtook me and I feel so compelled to just shout it from the top of a huge building. I know I’m finally doing what I’m called to do with my life. I’m doing something that I’m genuinely good at. Amazing.
I honestly just want to bottle up this feeling forever, opening the jar it’s kept in every so often when I feel unsatisfactory and no-good. Wouldn’t that be cool though if you could bottle up all the good feelings?
P.S. I finally figured out some stuff blog wise and I just feel so happy about it. I almost wish I didn’t desperately need sleep so I could hold on to this feeling.
Filed under amaze, thoughts
You’d think by my face that I am having a terrible day…but in reality, I am loving life to the fullest right now (the sun was just in my eyes). I’m sitting in an awesome coffee shop called Crazy Goat, listening to chill music, reviewing my pictures, looking at a map and resting my feet.
Sometimes in life we need to do things for our soul. It makes you grow as a person and it can really change your life.
The smile on my face has become a permanent everyday accessory :)
You have something eating away at your soul or heart and you just need to do something to make it better? Do it now. Life is too short to wait my dears! We have so much to live for and so much life that needs living. And I’m just beginning to learn how to live it to the fullest.
Have a lovely weekend <3
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Even though Valentine’s day is an commercialized holiday, it still brings up the fact that there are some of us who don’t have a *loved one* or significant other in our life. And that’s okay. It can still be hard though. I’m okay with being single right now…I actually kinda love it! Free to flirt, time to get my own life in order and just to figure things out. But that doesn’t mean yesterday was all that easy for me. I’ve just got out of a pretty serious relationship, and when that person has already moved on to someone new, it can be hard. But I figured why spend the whole day going, “woo is me!” and being sad. Valentine’s day should be about love and so I took sometime and wrote down some names of people who I loved and who I knew loved me.
And to show my family I loved them? I made them a whole meal…all by myself :) (It was actually the first time I made a whole dinner for more than one person…not just the main dish or something!)
And to end my evening off right? I made myself a blanket fort and got some things off my to do list.
There is so much to love in my life and I’m so grateful for my awesomely rad and loving family who are there for me no matter what, my friend’s who support and love me constantly and I have a pretty awesome cat who doesn’t care if I’m peeing on the toilet, she’ll find a way to get loved no matter what :)
All in all, if you are single, it’s okay! If yesterday was just a big pile of suck, take today to think about all the love you have in your life. Make today better!
And if you are lucky enough to have a special someone in your life…cherish it :)
Let yourself be amazed by what all you have in your life <3
Filed under amaze, thoughts